


amateurs at love

by wqlfstar



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Bisexual Peter Parker, Drunk Texting, F/F, F/M, Gay Harley Keener, Harley Keener Needs a Hug, M/M, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Homecoming Compliant, Parent Tony Stark, Pre-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Sorry Not Sorry, Teen Peter Parker, Teen Romance, Texting, The Author Regrets Everything, There Will Be Some, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Uhm, and issues, at first, but we don't get into that on t h i s fic, i have no clue where this plot is going, i have pulled an all nighter in the past few days thank you for asking, i know i'm not supposed to call it peener but i like it better than, i nearly closed out this tab after writing all this someone come get me, if you have any clue, my other fics are rioting, parkner, peener, pls dm me, teen Harley Keener, the important ones first hmm, there are gonna be a lot of these so watch out, watch out men, what else ?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 13:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19152064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wqlfstar/pseuds/wqlfstar
Summary: Harley Keener didn't think he'd ever find love.Until he met Peter Parker.Or: Harley's mom is a heavy drinker, which leads to a snowball of events, which leads to Peter Parker.





	amateurs at love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PeachyKeener](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachyKeener/gifts), [spidersonas (tinee)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinee/gifts).



> for peachy & elena !! i love their writing sm
> 
> here's a big shoutout to me, for always being there for me & rereading the story over & over again & just being an all around fantastic person ! *scattered applause*
> 
> here's to wade wilson, for being canonically old enough so that i can ship peener 
> 
> & to you, for misjudging this story & thinking it's going to be good !
> 
> anyway, enjoy !

**harley** |  _peter_ | ned | mj |  ** _shuri_** |  _gwen_ |  **harry**  |  ** _tony_**

**626*** has opened a chat with 733*** !**

friday, 3:39 pm

_did you pick up mj or was that my job ? i forgot_  
_[3:39 pm]_

 _ned ??_  
_[3:44 pm]_

 _i need to know so i don't go to the wrong house_  
_[3:50 pm]_

 _nED THE MOVIE STARTS IN FOERTY MINUTES I-_  
_[3:51 pm]_

 **bro**  
**[3:52 pm]**

 **i am in c l a s s**  
**[3:52 pm]**

 **pLs refrain from textinf me, stranger, until the class period is over**  
**[3:52 pm]**

 _nED THIS ISN'T FUNNY PLEASE DO I PICK UP MJ OR GWEN YOU KNOW I'M weIRD ABOUT BEINF ON TIME_  
_[3:53 pm]_

 **babe**  
**[3:53 pm]**

 **sweetheart**  
**[3:53 pm]**

 **honey precious sugar princess**  
**[3:53 pm]**

 **the fuck is a ned**  
**[3:54 pm]**

 _oh_  
_[3:56 pm]_

 _this is the wrong number_  
_[3:56 pm]_

 **yeah no shit**  
**[3:56 pm]**

 **anyway have fun picking up mj &/or gwen, i gotta go skip chemistry**  
**[3:56 pm]**

 _isn't that illegal_  
_[3:56 pm]_

 **well**  
**[3:56 pm]**

 **yeah**  
**[3:57 pm]**

 **but not if you pay the janitor in weed to leave the bathroom unlocked**  
**[3:57 pm]**

 _oh_  
_[3:57 pm]_

 **i'm joking**  
**[3:57 pm]**

 **i can feel your anxiety from here m80 ohmygod**  
**[3:58 pm]**

 **i'm sitting up in the bleachers**  
**[3:58 pm]**

 **it's kind of boring**  
**[3:58 pm]**

 **not as boring as chem tho**  
**[3:59 pm]**

 _chemistry isn't *that* boring_  
_[3:59 pm]_

 **it's tOo elementary ??**  
**[3:59 pm]**

 **practically puts me to sleep**  
**[4:00 pm]**

 _physics is where it's at tho_  
_[4:00 pm]_

 **hells yeah**  
**[4:00 pm]**

 **have u ever read that one tumblr post about top ten uncomfortable physics facts**  
**[4:01 pm]**

 **it relates to quantum physics & gyroscopic precession**  
**[4:01 pm]**

 **it's god tier**  
**[4:02 pm]**

 _yES_  
_[4:02 pm]_

 _fUCKIFN Y E S_  
_[4:02 pm]_

 _IT'S WHAT GOT ME INTO QUANTUM PHYSICS_  
_[4:03 pm]_

 **oMG SAME**  
**[4:03 pm]**

 **SKSKSKS**  
**[4:03 pm]**

 **DO WE OR DO WE NOT STAN BOTH GYROSCOPIC PRECESSUON & NEWTON'S LAWS OF MOTION ???**  
**[4:04 pm]**

 _WEFUCKING DO_  
_[4:04 pm]_

 **OHMYGOD A TEACHER IS COMINF PLS MURDER. ME**  
**[4:06 pm]**

 _rUN FOR THE MORHERFUCKINF HILLS m8_  
_[4:06 pm]_

 **update: i now have detention**  
**[4:10 pm]**

 _boo >:(_  
_[4:13 pm]_

**_[read 4:13 pm]_ **

7:36 pm

**they just now let me have my phone back :(**  
**[7:36 pm]**

 _how long is your detention ???_  
_[7:36 pm]_

 **forever hours**  
**[7:37 pm]**

 **i'm about to be home & my mom is gonna take away my phone so i'll talk to u next year lmao bye**  
**[7:48 pm]**

7:48 pm

Not bothering to wait for a response, Harley clicks his phone off and silently creeps inside his house, unsurprised to find the front door unlocked. He locks it behind him, taking a few tentative steps deeper in the dark, seemingly empty house.

He gets all the way to his room before his younger sister, Abbie, Queen of All Things Dramatic, pops out of nowhere, walking along with him.

They enter his room silently, him plopping down on his bed while she turns on the lights. If his mom isn't right now, she will be in a minute from the loud way Abbie is talking. "Why'd you get home so late?"

"It's only eight." Harley says, his voice low. He doesn't ask why their mom is in bed so early. They both know why.

"But you're never home this late." She points out. He shrugs. They sit in a small silence for a moment before she says, "Can you make me pancakes in the morning?" He knows she would do it herself, but last time she tried she nearly ruined the stove. He smiles at the memory of six year old Abbie with their sober Mom. But then their dad left and she began drinking herself into a stupor every waking day, not able to hold a job as they lived off child support checks.

"Sure, Abs." He says, feeling like a good big brother. "Go to bed."

She nods sleepily. She may be thirteen, but she's always been an early bird. She's always gone to bed around eight pm, and woken up at about five am. For Harley, it's the other way around. What can he say? He's a growing boy. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." She leaves, and he gets up to get changed and turn off the light. Once he's ready to sleep, he flops back down onto his bed, wondering if it's worth the risk to go get food. Ultimately deciding it wasn't, he gets his phone out and, upon seeing he has a missed call from Tony, grins and clicks on his messenger app.

**_feelin' the connection has opened a chat with tony stank !_ **

8:04 pm

**what is up home slice**  
**[8:04 pm]**

 ** i hate you sometimes. you know that, kid ? **  
** [8:11 pm] **

**i do. i really & truly do**  
**[8:12 pm]**

 **you know how i know ?**  
**[8:12 pm]**

 **because of our connection.**  
**[8:12 pm]**

 ** i'm going to murder you **  
** [8:13 pm] **

**funny, mom just said that to me the other day**  
**[8:13 pm]**

 ** do i need to come down there ? **  
** [8:14 pm] **

**i'm kidding tony**  
**[8:14 pm]**

 **everything's going a lot better actually**  
**[8:14 pm]**

 ** when's the last time she drank ? **  
** [8:15 pm] **

**it's been a while actually**  
**[8:15 pm]**

 **i don't remember how far back**  
**[8:15 pm]**

 ** if you're lying to me, i will find out. **  
** [8:16 pm] **

**hmm naturally**  
**[8:16 pm]**

 ** you're such a little shit **  
** [8:23 pm] **

**goodnight tony**  
**[8:27 pm]**

 ** so that's that ? i'm just supposed to believe you ? **  
** [8:27 pm] **

**goodnight tony**  
**[8:28 pm]**

 ** goodnight, asshole **  
** [8:28 pm] **

**_[read 8:28 pm]_ **

**_stranger danger !!!!! has opened a chat with ned's friend_ **

8:24 pm

_taLk to you next year !!_  
_ [7:48 pm] _

**she wasn't awake so we're all g**  
**[8:24 pm]**

 **aNYWAY**  
**[8:24 pm]**

 **how was the movie ?**  
**[8:24 pm]**

 _yOU'RE ALIVE_  
_[8:25 pm]_

 _OHNYGOD_  
_[8:25 pm]_

 _I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHINT REALLY AWESOME THAT HAPPENED TODAY_  
_[8:25 pm]_

 **sPILL THE TEA SHISTAR**  
**[8:26 pm]**

 _i kiSSED A GORL & I LKED IT_  
_[8:26 pm]_

 _BLURGH_  
_[8:26 pm]_

 _**GIRL_  
_[8:27 pm]_

 **i WOULD SEND A PIC OF GRU BUT I HAVE ZERO (0) ENERGY RN**  
**[8:27 pm]**

 **bUT OHMYGOD NED'S BFF**  
**[8:27 pm]**

 **HOW WAS IT**  
**[8:27 pm]**

 _iT WASN'T TOO BAD ?? I THINK ?? HER LIPS WERE WAY TOO SMOOTH ?? WHICH WAS KIND OF WEIRD BUT SHE SMELLED GOOD & WE HAVE A DATE TOMORROW :)))_  
_[8:28 pm]_

 _yOU CANN CALL ME BENNY, BY THE WAY_  
_[8:28 pm]_

 _IT'S THE NAME I USE FOR MT FAN ACCS & SHIT,,y'KNOW_  
_[8:29 pm]_

 **aW**  
**[8:30 pm]**

 **BENNY'S ALL GROWN UP**  
**[8:30 pm]**

 **WHICH ONE DID YOU KISS**  
**[8:30 pm]**

 **GWEN OR MJ**  
**[8:31 pm]**

 **& yOU CAN CALL ME EDDIE :)**  
**[8:31 pm]**

 _hOW DID YOU K JNO W SKSKSKSK_  
_[8:31 pm]_

 **bECAUSE  IT WAS SO O B V I O U S**  
**[8:32 pm]**

 **"WHICH HOUSE DO I GO TO NED ? WHICH HOUSE ? CAN I PLEASE GO TO MJ/GWEN'S & KISS MY GIRLFRIEND"**  
**[8:32 pm]**

 _AKAKAJAJAAKSJSJS_  
_[8:33 pm]_

 _IT'S GWEN, THANK YOU VERY MUCH_  
_[8:33 pm]_

 _I COULD NEVER DATE MJ_  
_[8:34 pm]_

 _SHE'S LIKE A LITTLE SISTER TO ME_  
_[8:34 pm]_

 **hMM OKAY**  
**[8:34 pm]**

 **SOMETHING TELLS ME THERE USED TO BE SOMETHING THERE BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT**  
**[8:35 pm]**

 _wELLL_  
_[8:35 pm]_

 _YOU'RE NOT W R O N G_  
_[8:35 pm]_

 _BUT SHE'S A LESBIAN SO_  
_[8:35 pm]_

 **YOU CAN'T FOOL ME WITH THAT "she's like a little sister to me" BulLSHIT**  
**[8:36 pm]**

 **bRO I'M GAY**  
**[8:36 pm]**

 **I NEED LGBTQ+ FRIENDS**  
**[8:37 pm]**

 **gIMME HER NUMBER**  
**[8:37 pm]**

 _oKIE HANG ONN_  
_[8:37 pm]_

**_[read 8:37 pm]_ **

**_pp has opened a chat with m(ichelle) j(ones)_ **

8:38 pm

_hEy_  
_[8:38 pm]_

what do you want now  
[8:44 pm]

 _your love & affection :(_  
_[8:44 pm]_

then perish  
[8:45 pm]

 _:((_  
_[8:45 pm]_

is that all that you wanted ?  
[8:45 pm]

 _i also need your go ahead to giving my new gay best friend your phone number_  
_[8:45 pm]_

& i should do that because ?  
[8:47 pm]

 _he's super cooL & i love him (he's a nerd like me)_  
_[8:47 pm]_

if he's anything like you, i don't want it  
[8:48 pm]

 _pLea s e mj ???_  
_[8:48 pm]_

 _pleaspelesseleade_  
_[8:48 pm]_

 _please_  
_[8:49 pm]_

 _please_  
_[8:49 pm]_

 _please_  
_[8:49 pm]_

 _please_  
_[8:49 pm]_

ohmygod f iNe  
[8:50 pm]

 _omG what changed ur mind ????_  
_[8:50 pm]_

i hate you  
[8:50 pm]

**_[read 8:51 am]_ **

**_659*** has opened a chat with 733*** !_ **

8:52 pm

hey, fuck face  
[8:52 pm]

it's your unfriendly neighborhood lesbian bitch  
[8:52 pm]

 **what's up lesbo**  
**[8:52 pm]**

 **it's your semi friendly neighborhood gay headass hoe here**  
**[8:53 pm]**

 **reporting for duty**  
**[8:53 pm]**

there's this bitch in my home ec class who(re) thinks she's the shit  
[8:55 pm]

she called me a dyke the other day ?? she doesn't even know i'm gay ?? lmao  
[8:56 pm]

 **people call me faggot all the time w/o any proof so**  
**[9:34 pm]**

 **sorry i was jacking off to harry styles' new album**  
**[9:34 pm]**

i think your personality is all the proof they need  
[9:38 pm]

 **um**  
**[9:38 pm]**

 **ouch**  
**[9:38 pm]**

you literally just told me, a stranger, that you were jacking off to harry styles w/o any qualms  
[9:39 pm]

 **yeah so**  
**[9:40 pm]**

i'm done w you  
[9:40 pm]

**_659*** has exited the app !_ **

**don't be that way :(**  
**[9:41 pm]**

**_edwardo has opened a chat with benny boi !_ **

9:41 pm

**mj hates me :)**  
**[9:41 pm]**

 _wHY ARE YOU HAPPY ABOUT THAT_  
_[9:43 pm]_

 **oh wait**  
**[9:43 pm]**

 ****:(**  
**[9:44 pm]**

 _why does she hate you ?_  
_[9:44 pm]_

 _did you reference the wrong movie version of pride & prejudice ?_  
_[9:45 pm]_

 **no ?**  
**[9:45 pm]**

 **but just in case for next time what movie is the right one to reference**  
**[9:45 pm]**

 _the 2005 version plays on a constant loop inside her head_  
_[9:46 pm]_

 _but what did you do ??_  
_[9:46 pm]_

 **um**  
**[9:47 pm]**

 **i um**  
**[9:47 pm]**

 _it can't have been that bad, dude_  
_[9:47 pm]_

 _whatever you've done, i've probably done worse_  
_[9:48 pm]_

 _just tell me_  
_[9:48 pm]_

 **imighthavetoldherijackedofftoharrystyles**  
**[9:49 pm]**

 _i'm sorry,,, what_  
_[9:49 pm]_

 _i'm not even going to attempt to read that w/o my glasses on_  
_[9:49 pm]_

 **don't make me say it again**  
**[9:50 pm]**

 _please don't make me get up & get them_  
_[9:50 pm]_

 **i may have**  
**[9:50 pm]**

 **told mj**  
**[9:51 pm]**

 **that i jack off**  
**[9:51 pm]**

 **to harry styles' new album**  
**[9:52 pm]**

 _oh._  
_[9:52 pm]_

 _oH._  
_[9:52 pm]_

 _:(_  
_[9:52 pm]_

**_benny boi has exited the app !_ **

**i didN't mean it**  
**[9:53 pm]**

 **okay maybe i did**  
**[9:53 pm]**

 **honey ?**  
**[9:54 pm]**

 **sugar sweetie pie baby muffin ?**  
**[9:54 pm]**

 **i'M sOrry**  
**[9:58 pm]**

 **fiNe**  
**[10:00 pm]**

 **goodnighT**  
**[10:01 pm]**

saturday, 3:34 am

_goodnight :)_  
_[3:34 am]_

**_tony stank has opened a chat with feelin' the connection !_ **

4:47 am

**_ hey _ **  
**_ [4:47 am] _ **

**_ hey _ **  
**_ [4:47 am] _ **

**_ hey _ **  
**_ [4:48 am] _ **

**_ hey _ **  
**_ [4:48 am] _ **

**_ hey _ **  
**_ [4:48 am] _ **

**_ hey _ **  
**_ [4:49 am] _ **

**_ hey _ **  
**_ [4:49 am] _ **

**ohnygod**  
**[4:52 am]**

 **i'm going to murder u**  
**[4:53 am]**

 **_ up & at 'em ! _ **  
**_ [4:55 am] _ **

**i'm actually going to kill u**  
**[4:56 am]**

 **kill you dead tony**  
**[4:56 am]**

 **_ isn't that sweet _ **  
**_ [4:57 am] _ **

**_ well. i'm headed off to bed now. goodnight ! _ **  
**_ [4:57 am] _ **

**u can't just wake me up & then **  
**[4:57 am]**

 **fuckign leave**  
**[4:58 am]**

 **_ maybe don't stay up so late next time, & i won't have to teach you an extremely valuable lesson _ **  
**_ [4:59 am] _ **

**are u having jarvis monitor me ??**  
**[5:00 am]**

 **because not only is that an astounding violation of privacy**  
**[5:00 am]**

 **but also against the law**  
**[5:00 am]**

 **don't leave me on open**  
**[5:01 am]**

 **you bitch**  
**[5:01 am]**

**_[read 5:01 am]_ **

**_tony stank has exited the app !_ **

**_edwardo has opened a chat with benny boi !_ **

5:02 am

**wAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO**  
**[5:02 am]**

 **DON'T LEAVE ME HANGIN' ON LIKE A YO YO**  
**[5:03 am]**

 **WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOI GO GO**  
**[5:03 am]**

 _stop._  
_[5:04 am]_

 _stopstopstop_  
_[5:04 am]_

 _i hate u_  
_[5:04 am]_

 _so. much._  
_[5:05 am]_

 _it's. five in the fucking morning._  
_[5:05 am]_

 **i kNOW**  
**[5:06 am]**

 **ISN'T IT GREAT**  
**[5:06 am]**

 **i dON'T WANNA MISS IT WHEN YOU HIT THAT HIGH**  
**[5:07 am]**

 _dUde_  
_[5:07 am]_

 _again_  
_[5:07 am]_

 _five in the fuckitn am_  
_[5:08 am]_

 **okay**  
**[5:08 am]**

 **your point being ?**  
**[5:09 am]**

 _g o t o b e d_  
_[5:09 am]_

 **nope**  
**[5:10 am]**

 **i'm wide awake**  
**[5:10 am]**

 ***insert frozen reference here that i'm too lazy to type out***  
**[5:11 am]**

 _wHat_  
_[5:12 am]_

 **are u asking me about frozen**  
**[5:12 am]**

 _yeah ?_  
_[5:12 am]_

 **have you just never seen it ???**  
**[5:12 am]**

 **because if you haven't i'm gonna have to shoot u w a potato gun**  
**[5:12 am]**

 _i'm scared to say no_  
_[5:13 am]_

 _and a potato gun ??  
_ _[5:13 am]_

 **tsk tsk tsk**  
**[5:13 am]**

 **didn't even have to gall to lie**  
**[5:14 am]**

 **anyway**  
**[5:14 am]**

 **whenever we meet we're gonna watch frozen**  
**[5:14 am]**

 _**if we ever meet_  
_[5:14 am]_

 _i'm a broke bitch, m8_  
_[5:14 am]_

 _i can't fly out to meet you bc i have zero (0) dollars in my bank acc_  
_[5:15 am]_

 _can we also go back to p o t a t o g u n  
_ _[5:15 am]_

 **be an optimist**  
**[5:15 am]**

 **my dad has money so i can fly over there**  
**[5:16 am]**

 **wherever u are**  
**[5:16 am]**

 _i'm still not watching frozen_  
_[5:16 am]_

 **c'mon man**  
**[5:17 am]**

 **don't u have any little siblings or cousins who have seen frozen**  
**[5:17 am]**

 _i don't have any siblings or cousins lololol you thot_  
_[5:18 am]_

 **did you just**  
**[5:18 am]**

 _WHATEVER_  
_[5:18 am]_

 _nOT IMPORRANT_  
_[5:19 am]_

 _I'M SLEEP DEPRIVED_  
_[5:19 am]_

 **i hate u for saying both "lololol" & "you thot"**  
**[5:19 am]**

 _wHatEveR_  
_[5:20 am]_

 _today sucks_  
_[5:20 am]_

 _i'm goinf back to bed_  
_[5:20 am]_

 **have fun goinf back to bed**  
**[5:20 am]**

 _pls don't roast me,, i don't have my glasses on :(_  
_[5:22 am]_

 **omg**  
**[5:22 am]**

 **u wear glasses**  
**[5:22 am]**

 **my life is complete**  
**[5:23 am]**

 _gOODNIGHT,, EDDIE_  
_[5:23 am]_

 **f i n e**  
**[5:23 am]**

 **goodnight four eyes**  
**[5:24 am]**

 _i hate u_  
_[5:24 am]_

 **:p**  
**[5:25 am]**

**_[seen 5:25 am]_ **

**_edwardo has opened a chat with benny boi !_ **

7:56 am

**rise & shine, perra**  
**[7:56 am]**

 **we have a long, long day ahead of us**  
**[7:57 am]**

 **filled w daydreams about sleep**  
**[7:57 am]**

 _ohnygod_  
_[7:58 am]_

 _why are you awake_  
_[7:58 am]_

 **i have detention remember**  
**[7:58 am]**

 **it starts in seven minutes**  
**[7:59 am]**

 _anf that means you have to tect me ?_  
_[7:59 am]_

 **yeah**  
**[7:59 am]**

 _goodnight_  
_[7:59 am]_

 **nooo**  
**[8:00 am]**

 **i'm gonna be so bored during detention**  
**[8:00 am]**

 **u should text me ;)**  
**[8:00 am]**

 _g o o d n i g h t_  
_[8:00 am]_

 **don't be that way babe**  
**[8:01 am]**

 **don't make me text mj**  
**[8:01 am]**

 **i'm scared that she's asleep**  
**[8:02 am]**

 _are you scared of mj ?_  
_[8:02 am]_

 **aren't you ?**  
**[8:02 am]**

 _,,,no_  
_[8:03 am]_

 **liar**  
**[8:03 am]**

 **mr wim is here early so i gotta go**  
**[8:04 am]**

 _a m i n u t e early_  
_[8:05 am]_

 _haVe fun w your detention hehehhehe_  
_[8:05 am]_

 _i'm goinf back to bed :)_  
_[8:05 am]_

2:41 pm

**you rat bastard**  
**[2:41 pm]**

 **i can't believe u went back to sleep while i endured detention**  
**[2:41 pm]**

 **anyway**  
**[2:41 pm]**

 **i'm finally home now**  
**[2:42 pm]**

 **and i'm also extremely bored so you're gonna entertain me**  
**[2:42 pm]**

5:58 pm

**this is abandonment**  
**[5:58 pm]**

11:57 pm

_sorrY,, i have work :(_  
_[11:57 pm]_

 **oh god**  
**[11:57 pm]**

 **why didn't u tell me you had a job**  
**[11:58 pm]**

 **i wouldn't have kept u up**  
**[11:58 pm]**

 _it's not exactly a job_  
_[11:58 pm]_

 _it's more of an,,,_  
_[11:59 pm]_

 _internship_  
_[11:59 pm]_

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment ! it levels up my motivation bars !


End file.
